Trick or Treat.....how very timely!

Happy Halloween!

(If that's what you're supposed to say on this day. I never have been too sure what Halloween is all about).

So tonight I'm full of nerves and excitement and it's not because of ghouls and ghosts. Tomorrow we find out if Barney is allowed to reduce his Boots and Bar wear down to just 14 hours a day, instead of his current 23. It's been 3 long months of full time wear and I've had November 1st etched in the back of my brain the entire time. And here we are, just one more sleep.

I promised myself that I wouldn't get excited. There's every chance his foot hasn't made enough progress and will need to extend his 23 hour wear. I know, and have known for some time, that this is a real possibility. After the whole blister fiasco (which is still healing for goodness sake!), he had a total of 3 weeks of having the boots on and off throughout the day to change dressings and to let the air get to the wound. He was on the edge of relapse at the end of the 3 weeks and I beat myself up even more than normal.

So now, on the eve of his next consultant meeting, I'm a bit of a wreck! Could I be walking out of the hospital tomorrow with the boots in my handbag and Barney's feet feeling fresh air?? God, I hope so. I've almost convinced myself that life will be easier once he's got them off in the day but I'm kind of forgetting I still have a 5 month old, a toddler and a house to look after. Bad luck! But I'm interested to see how different Barney is. His hour of free time is so full of laughs and smiles and just being a very chilled baby. That's not to say the other 23 hours aren't but every happy, smiley moment is tinged with a frustrated cry or whine.

The weirdest thing for me though is that his visible disability will be gone. Currently everyone that meets Barney is greeted by the site of his brace and this leads to questions and conversations about Clubfoot and his treatment. Without the boots, Barney will look like every other 5 month old. No-one would ever know. I don't know how I feel about it, in all honesty. His casts and boots have defined him. My baby, the one with clubfoot. It structures my day. I'm constantly making sure he's comfy, supported, checking they're on right. They impact on the position I breastfeed, impacts on what he wears and I can't put him on my hip when I carry him. All these extra thoughts that I have to think throughout the day are suddenly taken away from me. Changing his nappy is a doddle when his feet are braced together and I'm actually getting used to my legs looking like I've done 10 rounds with a midget boxer.

Am I going to miss them? Miss who he is with them on?

Ultimately, tomorrow I will find out. Trick or treat seems pretty damn apt right now.

And remember, it's just a bloody foot.

Sam x